Wednesday, July 22, 2009

No Mingling!

God sure made a lot of rules for us to follow. It's good that people wrote them down, because there are just way too many to remember. Maybe that's why so many get ignored; because we just can't remember them all. Hell, most of them I've never even heard of, let alone remember.

Take Leviticus 19:19 for example. Here God says:

Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.

So in reference to cattle, what exactly does God mean? Is He only talking about bovine animals, or back in the Biblical days, did cattle include all domesticated quadrupeds? If that's the case, when He forbids the gendering with diverse kinds, does He mean that the pigs have to stay with the pigs and the sheep with the sheep? Is God advocating animal apartheid? Have horses and donkeys been living in sin with the creation of mules? Should we all go out and smite the mules in a religious fervor?

On the other hand, is it possible that God's use of the word "cattle" means that any domesticated farm animal can screw any other domesticated farm animal? Are mules kosher? Is it OK to let a horse screw a cow, or a pig a goat? So where are the lines drawn? If I see my goat trying to get it on with my dog, do I smite them both? If so, by what method? Do I call together the whole village and have them stoned?

God wasn't trying to place restrictions on genetic engineering, was He? I mean, they didn't have that back in the days of the Bible, . . . . did they . . . . ?

And what about the sowing of the fields with mingled seed? Will God hold me accountable if I get crabgrass and dandelions in my lawn? If my wife mixes geraniums and marigolds in the garden, should I expect fire and brimstone to rain down upon the house? Or does this directive apply only to crops? In that case, should we burn down the farms of the heathens who mix pumpkins and gourds every Hallowe'en?

Or are "field" and "seed" metaphors for the womb and the human seed? Is God really promoting segregation?

And finally we have the forbidding of the mingling of threads. What about the grey areas? Can I wear woollen underwear with silk pajamas? Or is the mingling forbidden only in a single garment? Should I rip all my tags out in case those threads don't match? Then how could I avoid putting my shirts on backwards? Is this something that God really cares about? Is this a serious directive? How do we even know what they use in the Third World sweat shops that make most of our clothes anyway?

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