O Come All Ye Hypocrites

Week after week, those who call themselves "blessed" invite me to come pray at their church. But with so many different Christian churches, how can I tell which one God approves of? So I searched the Bible for Jesus's teachings on praying in church. In Matthew 6:5-6 Jesus says:

5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

So what's Jesus trying to tell us? Do people only go to church to be seen by other people? Are their only thoughts on what others think of them? Do they get big rewards for praying in front of others? There sure is a lot of rewarding going on every Sunday from what I can see! Is this why America is the world's richest nation? Is this how people are surviving the recession? Why do they not share their rewards?

Why do people do this if Jesus spoke against it? Do they seek their rewards at church because church income isn't taxed? Why are the churchgoers so proud of what they do if Jesus isn't? Why does the Church not teach the people the words of Jesus? Better yet, why can the people not read it for themselves?

So is Jesus saying that I should only pray in the closet? What will God think when I come out of the closet? Does God not speak out against homosexuals in the Old Testament? Should I take a girl in the closet with me so God will know I'm straight? What all does my Father see in secret? Does He work with the CIA? MI6? KGB? Mossad? What kind of open reward will I receive? Will I be taxed on it? Does the IRS see in secret too?

Would Jesus be pissed at me if I went to church for the big rewards sometimes? Is Jesus more tolerant of the grand reward seekers during the recession?

Death to the Workers

Exodus 35:2 tells us:

Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the Lord: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.

Well it's nice that God came up with some labor laws for us, but which day is considered the sabbath? If the first day of the week is Sunday, then wouldn't the sabbath be Saturday? But didn't The Church Council of Laodicea change it to Sunday, around the year 364? Did those guys get God's permission to change it? What if they just took it on their own without consulting God? Have we been resting on the wrong day? Should I not work two days just to be safe? This is a serious issue that must be cleared up! God's penalty for violation is death!

And what about God's death penalty? There doesn't seem to be any flexibility here. What about medical professionals or law enforcement officers? Are they all living in sin, just tempting the Angel of Death? What if my company schedules me for the weekend? Can I refuse on religious grounds? What if I'm injured on the sabbath? Must I wait for the following day to seek treatment? If a doctor treats me on the sabbath, will I be held culpable for going to him? Will I be put to death for leading another into sinful sabbath working?

And whose responsibility is it to bring death to those heathens who doeth work therin, on the sabbath? There has been plenty of work going on 24/7, yet there has been no global flooding nor raining down of fire and brimstone to stop it. Am I to take this to mean that upholding this righteous penalty is the responsibility of us, the good Christians? Is there a Christian hit-man that I can call for all religious smiting, or am I morally obligated to do it myself? If so, by what method should the wrongdoers be smitten? Should I call together the village elders for a good old-fashioned Biblical community stoning? Or can I use a 21st century method of execution of my own choosing? Would smiting the wrongdoers on a sabbath be considered work? If so, must I wait until the following day for all smiting activities?